The Ultimate Tea Diet

I saw Dr. Ukra (aka Dr. Tea) on Fox today promoting his book “The Ultimate Tea Diet“. What a great idea! Drink 8 cups of delicious tea per day, and those pesky pounds will just burn off and leave a slimmer, trimmer you! If you want to add even more delicious, nutritious, fat-fighting tea to your diet, you can get tea rubs for your meat.

This health tip was really exciting for me. I have just come in from outside inspecting the lambs and doing a little raking of the yard, so I reached for the sweet tea pitcher and am currently working on my third 16 oz. glass. That’s 48 ounces of tea, people! By tomorrow morning, my fat deposits should be packing their bags for a permanent vacation.

Oh, wait. I drink at least 48 ounces of tea every day, chilled for an even higher calorie burn. I must have tea-resistant fat deposits! Perhaps Luzianne tea isn’t expensive enough to burn fat, and I need some of those custom blends that cost dollars per oz. in order to convert my fat to energy. Or something. Yeah, that must be it. I better buy the book and the expensive tea blends so that my fat can start burning off, too, just like those corpulent Hollywood people.