In Pursuit of Happiness

I was talking to my momma about my youngest brother, a boy I used to know well in our youth but time, family committments, and physical distance had eroded our ties to just the occasional inquiry as to how the other was doing.

"Did you hear from Duane over Christmas? How is he doing?" I inquired casually.

"No", said momma. "He always calls and sends a card and this year, I didn't hear from him at all."

"Something's bad wrong, then", I stated bluntly. He ALWAYS calls and at least sends momma a card. Something was happening that he didn't want to trouble her about, because momma isn't in the best of health.

"I called him because I was worried. He said that he was fine and had been spending a lot of time by himself, just playing his guitar."

"That's IT? No other explanation?"

"That's really all he said, but I suspect that there may be some tension between him and that wife of his over her children as he told her that if she wanted to get iPhones for all of her ungrateful children, she better get a job and pay for them herself."

My youngest brother was the opposite of me in so many ways. Where I was volatile and could fly into a snit fit with no notice, he was always calm and controlled. Where I accepted a proposal of marriage from a man I'd seen for less than a week, he and his high school sweetheart had a long engagement. Where I immediately started a family (though not by plan), they saved, bought a house, had a nursery completely set up, and could afford to live on one salary when they decided to have children. Where my children were grown about the time of the "mid-life crisis" when you take stock of everything in your life, his were still young when he looked around one day and decided that a kid-centered life in suburbia was boring, and his wife wasn't any fun anymore.

Up until that point, I envied the way my brother navigated through life with a plan. Mine was all unscripted. Our lives were spent in working in our own business, whereas he sought the security of working for a company. We had spectacular ups and downs in finances, being (on paper, at least) millionaires one year and losing spectacular sums of money the next due to the volatility of the industry we were in. He had a steady income and lived in upper class suburbia several states away. We lived in a rural area and our next door neighbor was no stranger to prison life. When my spouse had a mid-life crisis (what am I doing? why am I here?), he got a degree in education and went to work teaching while I ran the business. When my brother had a mid-life crisis, he got an apartment with a younger woman and a divorce.

Perhaps it was because our work life was so unpredictable (and, with kids and their various interests with cantankerous horses and jumping for the daughter and bands with the son, our home life was fairly chaotic as well) that we didn't suffer from boredom. Ulcers and stress, definitely, but never boredom. My brother's sweet young thing didn't stay around very long once she found out the new vehicles and nice home and paying child support do not go together. His ex-wife re-entered the work force, though with her natural beauty (did I mention she is beautiful?) and sweet nature, she was quickly courted and married by a man that knew her value.

The next thing we knew, he had married a woman that looked startlingly similar to his ex-wife except for the silicone enhancements (his ex-wife didn't need any help in that area). She had 4 children. I had my doubts about this. After all, he had divorced the ex-wife for being a responsible parent and not wanting to go out and have fun at all hours of the evening, particularly on a school night. To support the new wife and kids and child support for his 2 kids, he was working 2 jobs and getting older. When he was in his 20s, working 16 hours or more at a time would have been easy. In his 40s, it gets a little tougher day in and day out. To step kids, you are the interloper, the outsider that has stolen the affections of their mother. Step kids with an attitude that always want something and treat you with contempt is something hard to take. A wife that wants you to provide everything for her kids and is unwilling to work for it is also hard to live with after the new wears off.

So now my brother sits in the dark, strumming his guitar, and considering what to do next.