Bad Mommy

My lil’ 3-year-old grandson gazed soulfully into my eyes, and announced
“Mommy is BAD.”

“Mommy is bad? What bad thing did mommy do, precious?” I inquired, while raising an eyebrow at bad mommy.

“Mommy spank me!”

“She did? BAD mommy! Uh, why exactly was it that she spanked you?”

“I lock baby in room!” he announced proudly.

Aaaah, the old “lock the baby in the room” trick. I remember when my kids used to flee from my retribution after doing something particularly heinous (let’s see what happens if I put the kitty in a ziplock bag!) and locked the doors behind them to keep mom at bay so maybe I would cool off before spanking their lil’ bottoms.

Jake, however, was not fleeing retribution. He, baby, and mommy were playing on the floor of his room when the phone rang, and mommy went to answer it. Jake came out to see who mommy was talking too (after all, it might have been me!) and locked the door behind him from the inside. A door that mommy had explained to him should never be locked, because she could not pick the lock on that particular door from the other side. A door on which mommy’s lockpicking skills would now have to be tested.

Luckily, the incentive of an infant locked on the other side does wonderful things for a mother’s burgling skills and the only harm that arose from that incident was a spanking to reinforce the “do NOT lock the baby in a room” message, since merely telling him not to do so was not sufficient to overcome the joy of being able to lock the little interloper away from mommy.

I asked him if he wanted me to give his mommy a spanking. “NO, don’t hurt mommy”, he said, although he gave her a warning look that said that he might not be so forbearing in the future if she should happen to misbehave.

The kitty in the ziplock bag survived, as I happened to glance out the window and saw the angelic little cherub stuff her into the bag and seal it. I rushed outside and was was able to release poor trusting kitty before all the oxygen was used up. Jake’s mommy did not seal any more kitties into ziplock bags after that spanking, either.

Now was it mommy, or was it her brother that put kitty in the dryer?